Another lapse in writing. My apologies to those of you wondering about our lives. I have a lot to share but I'll try and be concise. Today is Thanksgiving. My children are 5800 kilometers away celebrating this holiday by inviting strangers, foreigners and friends into their home for turkey dinner. Its so bitter sweet. My Thanksgiving Day consists of an emotional banquet of empty nest , family pride, sadness, thankfulness, faith, exuberant joy, admiration , quietness, and uncertainty....a lot of reflection to chew on. And yes....one feels stuffed to the point of couch reclining.
Its a good time to write though...but it can be dangerous for me when I'm feeling raw and wearing my verbal blog on my sleeve. I've had friends say " Wow your blog seemed really negative" or " You are a tortured soul".
I have been back in Canada 123 days or 4.1 months and am thankful to say that its not getting any easier...ie; putting down roots and returning to the way it was. The last 123 days have consisted of getting rid of everything we own. God clearly spoke to us in Haiti about stuff and mortgages and every other weight tying us to this world. We told the kids to take what they wanted, and everything else had to go. The last to go is some real estate but it was listed for sale last week.
Haiti taught me huge lessons and probably the most important was that I really did not believe what I believed I believed. My actions were proof enough. All my talk about ministering to the poor, fighting for justice, taking care of my environment, living simply and avoiding consumerism....it was all a wishful life. It was all admiration for a lifestyle that I myself did not possess. So...the past 123 days have been putting action to the beliefs that I want to live out. Jesus has a lot to say about giving away stuff, about sharing, about taking nothing with you, about not knowing where your going to lay your head, about ministering to the poor the widow, the sick and the captive. I am trying to listen to Jesus and live a life that ensures that my brothers and sisters living in extreme poverty in developing countries REALLY matter; Its affected my spending, my giving, my eating, and even my recycling ( which I need to work on more).
I know friends , family and colleagues are watching on with deep concern as we unload our stuff. People get concerned that we are not preparing financially for the future or that we're being a little irrational and maybe even irresponsible. The past 10 years has been a chase for responsible financial sustainability that in reality we will never catch. In the midst of the working, the studying, the buying and the selling, there has been a persistent call to something else and a deep dissatisfaction with this type of life.
. ............We've decided to cut our losses and follow Jesus.